The internet is a big presence in most of our lives. Many people belong to some sort of social network - facebook, myspace, and now the recently established saintsmeet, designed for members of the church. These avenues of keeping in touch with family and friends can be a great tool for communication, but it can also serve as a window into some people's lives, revealing things that ought not to be. One of the frustrations that we've had to deal with is when "friends" on facebook, etc. put up profile pictures thata are immodest, list movies, music, etc. that are completely inappropriate for a Christian. Various members of our family have privately talked to some who have had ungodly pictures, etc. and have even removed some friends, but it is increasingly difficult to monitor it all. The sad thing about it all is that 99% of the people we are friends with profess to be Christians, and it is that group of people that poses the difficulty. While it is not our job to police everyone, and we do realize that people are at various stages of spiritual maturity, we also do not want to appear to condone these things, or inadvertently have something inappropriate show up on our own page. I guess really the root of the matter is what exactly is decent vs. inappropriate. Sadly, it seems to me that standards for clothing, entertainment, etc. have become such non-issues for many Christians.

I thought it might be good to discuss what should the Christian's approach be to some of these social networking issues? Do you have personal guidelines for what you allow to be seen on your page? What are your thoughts on the matter?

In Him,
Joy

Wonderful thread topic Joy. Since we all participate on the internet, in some way shape or form, we should see some good discussion on this topic. It is especially true for the younger kids. I know I have been faced with these decisions and probably have not always made the right choices. I will be back later for more on this topic.

Thoughts anyone?

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1 Peter 5:6-7: Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. -ESV

Yes, great topic! I'm a little short on time at the moment but I look forward to coming back to this later as well.

Excellent topic!

As the father of a 21 year old son who is away at Freed, face-book is kind of neat for his mother and I. As the father of an 11 year old girl Face-book seams a little scary, and therefore, she is not allowed to participate; and will not for several years to come!

My youngest granddaughter (12) recently joined facebook and requested me as a friend. Naturally I accepted, but am shocked at what she is involved in, and the pictures on her site. I do not want to alienate her, and am hoping either her father, or her mother, or both, will correct her. I mentioned here, some time ago, about her being baptized, and how I did not think she was spiritually ready. Her present behavior verifies that she is not understanding how a Christain should behave. Her parents are both members of the church, sooooo.....????
How whould any of you, as grandparents, handle this?

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Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Psalm 51:10

Marian, how was she able to join? I'm pretty sure Facebook has a 13 year old age minimum.

Hmmm, she must have lied about her age! And she made up her face in the picture she posted, to look much older. I hardly recognized her.
She just turned 12 last month.
I am so concerned that she is headed for trouble.

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Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Psalm 51:10

I'm very sorry that you've had to learn this about your granddaughter. This type of thing is what I've witnessed over and over again with young, and not so young people, that I know. The fault doesn't lie with facebook, however. It is just a tool through which we are able to see people in a way that we otherwise might not. It is very often a true window into their soul. What does surprise me is that they do not seem to try to hide their true selves better; they often seem to be less inhibited, perhaps because they are hiding behind a computer screen, and do not understand how much they are revealing about themselves.

There has been more than one instance when someone has recommended a young man as a "possibility" for my daughter. In person, these young men have made great impressions on people, yet when we looked at their facebook profile, it revealed that much was lacking in their character, which was not known by the person recommending them.

The abbreviations for curse words and taking the Lord's name in vain are 2 of the things that really aggravate me. To see christians using these abbreviations is really disappointing. Perhaps they don't think it's the same since they aren't spelling out or saying the words?

My 11 year old daughter wants a Facebook page and I'm not necessarily against it. Like Joy said it would give me some real insight into what her friends are all about and I could monitor it fairly easily. However, whenever she tried to sign up the minimum age was 13 and that was the end of it.

Ahhhhh the joys of Facebook! As the parents of a 13 year old girl my wife and I have been immersed in the neon, digital world of kids on Facebook. It opened our eyes up to what children were doing as well as how they had influenced our daughter.

1 Corinthians 15:33

Kindly,
Don

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preacher@hydeparkcoc.org

I've been thinking what I could write to add something to this discussion, but it appears its been said, so I'll shut up. (applause )

James 1:19 (I really need to start applying this verse because I talk too much.)

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"that in all things he might have the preeminence." Colossians 1:18

You are more than welcome to add your 2 cents worth.

Bro. J.D. Conley of Marietta, OH had a good article on this very thing in this month's West Virginia Christian. "On facebook (sic), I have seen and read things about some of my friends that have disappointed me: Brothers and sisters in Christ, whom I thought I knew well, are posting pictures, opinions, and employing language that, well, to put it bluntly, has sent me reeling." I'm rarely on Facebook anymore, but I've felt the same way on more than one occasion.

"All Christians everywhere...need to come to grips with the fact that they will all have a book to face one day: 'the book of life' (Revelation 22:19)...How will we want our profile to read then?"

Amen, brother.

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"that in all things he might have the preeminence." Colossians 1:18

I think we all agree that we have seen more than we'd like to on these social networks. Personally, I've struggled to know exactly what to do. We all know that these avenues of communication are here to stay. I do want to know what's going on, but without compromising. I don't think "throwing the baby out with the bath water" is necessary, but I do think more people need to take a firmer stand. For example, if someone is dressing or speaking in an ungodly manner, are we willing to say something about it? Are we willing to remove them from our friend's list if they are not open to change? If everyone just remains silent, we certainly won't be the kind of influence we could be.

Update on my granddaughter. I finally noticed that she had given her birthdate as March 1992!!! She was born in March 1997!
I sent her a private message pointing out the dishonesty of what she is doing.

Her father is my son. He is divorced from her mother. If they get mad at me for what I said to her....so be it!
It makes me very sad.

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Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Psalm 51:10

Marian,
You did the right thing! They may get mad, but it's for her own good. I hope and pray that your granddaughter will respect what you have to say.

Thanks, Joy, I also pointed out the danger of what she is doing. She is very strong-willed (rather like her grandmother in that respect ), but I hope she has the wisdom to recognize the danger.
The big differance between us, is: I have always hated lies, and got into more trouble by being too honest with what I was doing, whereas I would have been better off if I had just kept my mouth shut!

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Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Psalm 51:10

After reading these posts I decided to join saintsmeet ... but at the moment I am sort of at a loss of exactly what to do there. My son is now laughing at me ... he's been trying to get me on facebook for business purposes. I understand social networking ...that is what occurs here in BTF. I use another forum for my business...woodenboat for my boat designs, nothing yet for photography (why he recommends facebook). The concept of saintsmeet looks good and we were going to do that at mychurchesofchrist.org, but why duplicate good work and dilute the efforts - which is why mychurchesofchrist doesn't have a forum...BTF is the place to be.

So, back to my dilemma: in what way can I use saintsmeet to edify those who are there?

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your brother in Christ,

Charles Burgess
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Galatians 2:20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. ... Luke 9:62 And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.

Thought I would come back and address this. I have been thinking about this specific topic recently.

Most people, younger especially, don't understand the permanence of places like facebook. Whatever you put out there, it is out there. Somebody has that picture you posted, somebody has that line you wrote. People see it and store it.

Likewise Christians don't understand the permanent damage that can be done to their name, and by extension to the name of Christ. We must, at all cost, not do damage to the name of our Savior.

My page reflects more or less my life. What I post (or did post on facebook), was/is indicative of who I was/am. I am sorry to say that many who consider themselves to be members of the Body of Christ, reveal who they really are on these social networking sites. They display they way they talk and behave when they are around their worldly friends. The other problem is the influence the world has on them on the internet. Perhaps they wouldn't be like that if it wasn't for falling into bad companions - 1 Corinthians 15:33

Now what I have been conflicted on for years concerns my friends. Who should I accept as friends? Who should I reject or remove? Early on in my facebook using life, I would accept just about anybody that requested me as a friend. I thought that I could use that as a way to get close to them. Some I just thought I would be nice. Lately I have been much more discriminating in who I accepted.

I still don't know what to do about many of my "friends" on that site. Some are from high school, who have long since departed from my life, others are from more recent years, but still are not people that I would hang out with or share my life with. So does that reflect poorly on me? Possibly. Should I cut my ties, however fragile they may be, with them? I don't know. If I do that I may lose my last opportunity to speak with them, to have an influence in their lives.

I told you: conflicted.

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1 Peter 5:6-7: Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. -ESV

It is difficult sometimes to know what to do about the social networking issue, fb in this instance. We have met many people due to our travels and work. Many of these we have only met briefly - sometimes in the states, and other times, when folks come here to do campaign work. Often people ask or later look us up on fb and want to add us. Very sad to say, I've been shocked and saddened to learn how some people "really are" though fb.

It's quite a challenge to find a balance. Some people may not be Christians, or some may be, but out of either ignorance or otherwise, do not present themselves in a Christlike manner. Many Christians have non-Christian family members who are on fb. What to do? The reality is we are going to be judged by our association with others. Still not easy.

Personally, I have decided to hide my friend list. I've also chosen to hide posts from certain people, so that when they post, it doesn't show up on my news feed. (In my case it is usually because certain people post too much stuff that I don't want to wade through every time I get on.) There are also some casual acquaintances with whom I'd like to stay in touch, but I cannot keep up with or monitor everything they say, or every picture they put up. However, if someone, at an easy glance, demonstrates obvious ungodly behavior, including in the modesty department, then I usually just delete them from my friend list. I may tell them why, or I may just do it quietly, depending on the circumstance, and how well I know them in the first place.

For me, it is just as important to guard my heart, mind and eyes, as it is to guard my reputation. Also, the likelihood of damaging our own reputation through evil companionship is probably greater than the good influence we will have on them, especially if our only contact is kept through fb.

My two cents worth.

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3Jn 1:4 "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth."

Lee, I ended up removing one brother in Christ because of his very blatant anti Obama and anti government post on Facebook. I attempted to reason with him there, and he deleted my posts. I knew him over 32 years ago, when he was still a youngster. I had no idea where he had gone in his spiritual life. He still claims to be a strong Christian, but he must be studying from a differant bible than I. I was close to his parents and his two siblings. I still have his sister as my Facebook friend.
Others of our brethren, that are my friends, spend so much time whining about how bad their life is, I hide their posts. I like that 'hide' feature. I even hide my youngest granddaughter's posts. I still do not like her attitude there.
As for what others see on your facebook pages, I think it is a lot more limited than we may think. I do not think those who you have removed as your friend can see anything you post, and we cannot see the posts of those who have removed us as a friend, even when they post on one of our friend's post's that we do see.
But you are quite right about how what we post will remain on line indefinitely, and the pictures we post will be available also.
I am quite embarassed with the antics that a dear bro and sis in Christ's youngest daughter posts. They are not exactly immodest...but they are so silly for a girl her age. I think she is a Senior in high school. She is always getting her picture in the local newspaper for something exceptional that she has achieved in school. She is a very beautiful girl, also , and I wonder if all the praises she keeps getting has gone to her head! She has not even accepted her dad's request for her to be his friend there! The dad is one of my favorites on facebook. He is also one of our Sunday evening 'preachers'. He alternates with another preacher. In reality he is a teacher...not a preacher. He teaches in a nearby school, the one his daughters attend. Her mother is on Facebook also. I don't know if they are 'friends' there. I would almost like them to see how she behaves on Facebook. Maybe they would think it is okay. I hope not.

Another young couple are openly living together and posting it on Facebook. The young man is a member of the church. I don't think the girl is. His mother is a member of our congregation. I am not sure how to handle that. She did tell me they are going to get married, but it is for sometime in the future!

All of these things would be going on, even if we did not see it ourselves. Being on Facebook has been an eyeopener!


Joy, I see you posted while I was composing my post. You hit on some of the same issues that I did. I am thinking, those who know us, know how we stand. We associate with others in the world that are not Christians, but we do not go along with their non Christian activities. That is sort of how I see our connection with some on Facebook. It is not like we are going along with what they are doing. And, as pointed out, we have the option to either hide their posts, or remove them as our 'friends'. Most people on there know that many are 'acquaintances', and we are not 'running' with them. At least that is how I see it.

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Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Psalm 51:10

If you will permit me to say that I was just taken to school! So much good advice.

I must say that I fell out with facebook for quite some time. Didn't even visit it for months on end. I wonder if I am better off without it? I certainly don't like the ads it puts on my profile.

I do believe that hiding my friends may be quite appropriate. I never spend more than five or ten mins. on Facebook anymore. I get emails when I have messages so I respond to those, and that is about it. I just looked at it seems that I can only hide my friends list from "non-friends". I guess that is the best I can do.

Joy you are correct in saying that our impact most probably will be minimal at best. Perhaps I am being wishful, or perhaps I am clinging to some people I once cared about.

Marian, I remember quite well what it was like to be silly. And to do silly things. Hopefully she will grow out of that quickly, and will not do permanent damage in the process.

Quite a lot of good can come from the WWW. And quite alot of garbage can come with it.

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1 Peter 5:6-7: Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. -ESV

Lee, I requested your friendship on my Facebook because I like you and am sure you are sound in the faith. I would like to add many more of your caliber. As you know, Don Gelles is also on my Facebook. I would like to add Joy also, but understand her hesitation. We actually do not really know our cyber friends, but I am finding that I don't really know a lot of my friends that I worship with weekly! Even Paul spoke of false brethren. We have to hope they are as they profess to be. God will judge them in the long run.
Many of my 'friends' on Facebook are my relatives, some are brethren that I knew in the past, some are cyber friends from the Garden Web forum that I posted on for over 6 years, and a few are local people that I have associated with over the years we have lived in this area.
Some of the cyber friends from the GW forum frequently speak of thier social drinking. They all know that I am not into that, and I do not join into those conversations. All my other friends know that I am not into that also.
I wonder, Lee, when you view my wall, or your Home page, do you see many of the posts of my 'friends'? Or is it just the ones that I am included in the conversation? Do you see the ones where they speak of their wine or beer?

And speaking of social drinking, I have been contending against it on the City Data Great Debates forum.
I am afraid I incurred the wrath of one who objected to my mentioning scripture for the reason I will not
do the social drinking. I posted the scriptures in Romans 14:14 through 21. I was casting my pearls before the swine! He became very angry with my explanation! Ah well.... I tried!

You are so right, Lee, about the WWW. We just have to sort out the garbage. If we are steeped in the word of God, we recognize garbage when we see it!

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Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Psalm 51:10

Marian, I cannot see your "feed". The only things I can see are what you have done, and people who have interacted directly with you. Anything your friends are doing apart from you is not viewable on your page. If you reply to someone's status message, that shows up. But if four of your friends engage in discussion without your involvement that is not shown to others who visit your page. So no drinking discussions.

I appreciate your friend request and of course I gratefully accepted. I would be privileged indeed to have more friends like you.

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1 Peter 5:6-7: Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. -ESV